When creating a Parenting Plan, the goal is for both parents to maintain a meaningful relationship with the children unless special circumstances exist. Kids thrive when they spend time with and are cared for by both of their parents, even when both parents live apart after a divorce. It’s not the divorce that hurts kids but the conflict between their parents that can leave emotional scars. Here’s what you need to know about developing 50/50 Parenting Plans during separation and divorce.

Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody

There are two types of custody: physical custody and legal custody. Physical custody refers to the location of the child on the various days of the week. Legal custody refers to refers to the responsibilities of making major decisions that affect the child’s welfare, including decisions regarding the health, education, and religious upbringing of the child.

When thinking about a schedule for the kids, you should decide whether you will share physical custody 50/50 or whether there is another shared percentage, per parent, that works best for everyone. Nowadays, 50/50 physical custody is more common than it was even a decade ago, but it may not work for your family’s specific needs. The percentage of time you have the child may impact the child support you receive or pay.

Parenting Time Considerations

1. The ages of your children: 

• Infants and Toddlers. Generally, this age requires more frequent transitions to maintain a relationship with both parents as primary caregivers if that is your goal. An important consideration is whether one parent is breastfeeding or is not working outside of the home to care for the child.
• Young children. It’s a good idea to have a consistent routine for young children as they rely on stability and regularity. They need contact with both parents too and more frequent transitions can help maintain that connection
• Tweens and Teens. At this age, a child has more to manage outside the home, including schoolwork, friendships, sports, and extracurricular activities. This means it’s often preferable to have a schedule that allows the child to stay for a longer period of time in one household to minimize disruption to their schedule. It’s also important to inform them of changes that impact their lives. It helps them feel more in control of something they do not ultimately decide and builds trust into a system that asks for their heightened cooperation and organizational skills.

2. Cooperation between you and your co-parent.

If your relationship with your co-parent is in good standing, you can likely make almost any schedule work. If it isn’t, and you don’t anticipate it improving, you may need to have a schedule with some specificity. For example, you can choose a neutral place like the school or an extra-curricular activity, so that picking up and dropping off does not require you to see your co-parent in person. Either way, flexibility is required in both situations to diffuse any tension that may exist between you and your ex. Flexibility also helps to keep the children out of the conflict too. Lastly, your Parenting Plan should include how holidays, vacations, and other days off of school will work. It should be whatever works best for your family and your child’s wellbeing.

3. Your commitment, willingness, and ability to keep the schedule and be flexible in a way that will benefit your children.

• As you work on this, here are some questions to ask yourselves:
• Do you or your co-parent travel for work or other reasons on an unpredictable schedule?
• Can you or they accommodate the schedule you want without making it an issue for the kids? If travel is an issue for one or both of you, it may be necessary to think through a plan before implementing a particular schedule

4. Right of First Refusal

Would you, or they, have the right of first refusal? For example, if they or you can’t have the kids on one or more of the agreed upon days, would your co-parent have the option to take them? Or, would both of you be expected to have child care in place for these instances? Thinking through the options and making them part of your Parenting Plan is a very good idea.

Once you’ve factored in all of these elements, it’s time to build a plan that works for you, your co-parent, and most importantly, your children. There are countless options that may be customized but, if you are sharing 50/50 custody, there are a few common practices that exist for rotating the schedule.

Co-parenting Plans Explained

• The alternating weeks schedule: Your children spends 1 week with one parent and the next week with the other parent.
• 2 weeks schedule: Your children spends 2 weeks with one parent and then 2 weeks with the other parent.
• The 3-4-4-3 schedule: Your children spends 3 days with one parent, 4 days with the other parent, 4 days with the first parent and then 3 days with the other parent.
• The 2-2-5-5 schedule: Your children spends 2 days with each parent and then 5 days with each parent.
• The 2-2-3 schedule: Your children spends 2 days with one parent, 2 days with the other parent and 3 days with the first parent. Then, the next week it switches.
• The alternating every 2 days schedule: Your children switch between the parents every 2 days.

Tweens & Teens

One advantage of the 2-2-5-5 schedule is having your children consistent days of the week. For example, with a 2-2-5-5 schedule, you will always have Mondays and Tuesdays or Wednesdays and Thursdays. This type of schedule will allow you to schedule particular lessons or events for consistent days that they are with you. The disadvantage is a relatively short time period between transition.

Nesting as an Alternative Option

All of the schedules we’ve discussed relate to moving the kids from one household to another. A less common but possible option is called “nesting.” This requires the co-parents to move in and out of the household instead of the children. However, for this to work successfully, you and your co-parent must have a particularly high level of regard, respect, and trust for each other, even if you live in separate bedrooms of the house. Some co-parents even manage to share one apartment or other dwelling outside of the family home where they live when not in the family home. It isn’t generally a long-term solution and some experts recommend ending the “nesting” exercise before either parent begins dating.

Co-parenting Successfully

The key to successful co-parenting is clear and respectful communication, and the Parenting Plan should be workable and keep conflict to a minimum. You should be able to discuss issues related to your kids and have a positive method of resolution, so your kids don’t get caught in the middle of the conflict. Although it now has a different form, a family of divorce is still that: a family. You and your co-parent will be connected, in some form or another through your children. Figuring out how to navigate your family’s new dynamic will set a tone that may help you and your children for years to come.

Choosing a law firm that will be the right fit for you as you go through the divorce process or address another family law issues is important. After all, the decisions you make now will have a big impact on the rest of your life. At Rieger, LLP, we have a proven track record of guiding clients skillfully through all sorts of family transitions. Contact us today to arrange a confidential consultation. From our office in Garden City, we serve clients throughout Long Island.