For most, divorce is the most stressful event they will ever experience. Going through a divorce can feel like an emotional and financial rollercoaster, but there are ways to remain civil. We know it may seem inconceivable but remaining civil during divorce is possible and will help the process move along more smoothly for everyone involved. Your marriage may be ending, but you can choose the way you deal with your ex as you settle the outstanding issues between you.
We’ve created a list of tips that can help you remain civil during your divorce. This list is meant to serve as a way to keep reminding yourself that your focus should be on resolving issues, and ultimately, moving on with your life.
Keep Your Private Thoughts to Yourself
There is a time and a place to express your thoughts and feelings about the divorce and your former spouse. You may be experiencing a number of emotions, like anger, guilt, frustration, shame, or rage, and those feelings are valid, of course, but make sure you’re expressing them in a healthy way. For example, if you need to think about having a public and a private persona around your divorce, then do so.
There will be times when you will have to deal with your former spouse to discuss details of your divorce or any issues that will affect your children. During these times, your focus should only be on the issue at hand, not the past or what could have been avoided. If it helps, consider writing down a list of the topics you need to talk about so that you can stay on track, then follow that list. This strategy will help you avoid getting off-topic and saying something you may regret later. Keep your head about you, and don’t let your emotions spark any rash decisions.
Find a Safe Place to Vent and Express Yourself
During a divorce, family and friends will likely be there to support you and help you cope. Sometimes, they may unwittingly encourage anger by expressing their own emotions about this situation. When family and friends get too involved in your and your former spouse’s divorce, people get hurt, angry, and can often cause more harm than good.
It’s important to remember to focus on moving past your anger and not allow it to affect your decisions during the divorce. Find a safe place where you can express and share your thoughts and feelings. You can see a licensed therapist or seek the advice and support from a support group.
Don’t Belittle or Criticize Your Ex in Front of Your Children
Your children should not be placed in the middle of your divorce, ever. They have their own issues to deal with when their parents’ divorce, and it’s a good idea to establish ground rules early on. Clear communication is important, but it’s also crucial to set boundaries about what should and should not be discussed. You can tell your children that they can always talk to you about anything, including their other parent, but it’s best to avoid belittling or bad-mouthing your ex or their other parent because that can lead to unnecessary tension. This tension will inevitably fall on the child’s shoulders, causing more issues down the road. Maintain boundaries, and don’t indulge in maligning your ex in front of your children.
Focus on Resolving Issues, Not Revenge
Revenge may seem tempting but seeking revenge against your ex spouse is never a good idea. Though you may believe seeking revenge will feel good, but it’s more productive and healthier to focus on resolving the issues that stem from the decision to get divorced. Getting worn down trying to prove who’s right and who’s wrong is not on the list of ways to keep your divorce civil. Doing this will cause more pressure and stress on the divorce process and everyone involved.
Hire A Divorce Attorney
Each matrimonial dispute is unique, which is why you need the help of an experienced and compassionate attorney. At Rieger LLP, we know that difficult family matters can be stressful, but we will make sure your best interests are protected. With a trusted and reputable attorney on your side, your divorce can be as civil and dignified as possible. Once you have retained a lawyer, communication with your spouse can go through him or her as much as possible. Your attorney’s responsibility is to represent you, so they can handle the legal aspects of the case, but also so you no longer need to deal directly with your ex. With your lawyer’s help, you can keep discussions focused on the legal issues without either party resorting to threats or remarks that will only serve to hurt or humiliate either party.
To schedule a consultation with Rieger LLP, call us (516) 280-8880 or contact us here.