Now that the holidays are right around the corner, everyone may seem a little more excited, stressed, and emotional. The truth is that many people struggle during the holiday season, whether they are mourning the loss of a loved one, away from home, or dealing with divorce. With about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the holidays can be even more difficult for divorce couples and separated families, especially where the children are concerned. With all the rushing around at the holidays—parties, concerts, plays, shopping, and decorating—it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed. Undoubtedly, your child will feel the same way. Children with divorced parents generally have to balance going between families during the holidays, and it can be difficult for them to cope.
Here’s what you can do to help your kids cope with your divorce during the holidays.
1. Stick to a routine, if possible. Routines, rituals, and traditions are very important to children. One thing that makes the holidays difficult for children is the interruption of their routines. Routines give children a sense of security, and during the holidays, routines tend to go out the window. During this time of year, try to keep your child’s routines as unchanged as possible. Though it’s important for children to learn how to adapt, a constant change of routine can leave them feeling overwhelmed and insecure. When change of routine is inevitable, let your child know that things will be a little different and tell them what the new plans are.
2. Talk to friends, a support network, or even a therapist about your own feelings so that they don’t inform your decisions about how your children should spend the holidays. For example, don’t punish your former spouse by not allowing him or her to see the children during the holidays. Talking to someone you trust, especially an outside party, may prove beneficial.
3. Focus on what’s best for your child. Though it’s the most difficult task, put aside your feelings toward your ex. The holidays should be special and memorable for your child, not chaotic and dramatic. Remember the holidays are not all about you. Your children deserve their celebrations even if you feel cheated out of yours. Encourage them to have fun with their other parent, even if you can’t stand the idea of being without your child during this time of year. Show your love by cooperating, not competing.
4. Develop a clear plan. Coordination and clarity is crucial. Talk with your former partner about what the holidays will look like. Work out exactly where your children will be during what times, and when, where, and how exchanges will take place. Your children will feel more secure, and all of you will avoid frustration and disappointment.
5. Be patient. This is a time of giving, forgiving, and fresh starts. The loss of the family will be painful for everyone, even the person who initiated the separation. Over time, you will keep some of the old traditions and develop new ones as well.
Our team of attorneys at Rieger, LLP know that difficult family matters can add a lot of stress onto your life and the lives of your loved ones. We offer strong compassionate guidance as your family changes and will make sure your best interests are protected. Call us at (516) 280-8880 or contact us for a free consultation today.