Co-parenting can be extremely difficult after a divorce or separation. As a parent, you can only do your best and keep the best interest of your child at heart. Although you and your ex are divorced, you’re both still responsible for raising your child with love, healthy boundaries, and consistency. The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship.

Here are some tips on how you to effectively co-parent after divorce:

Establish Some Ground Rules

As much as they fight it, children need routine and structure. Ideally, you and your ex will be able to enforce the same rules for your children at both homes. This helps your kids understand boundaries and creates consistency. For example, some ground rules may include how to deal with behavior issues or how to address chores, bedtimes, or curfews.

If you and your ex can’t agree on enforcing the same rules, you may have to settle for enforcing your own rules when you can. But don’t be discouraged! In the long run, consistent co-parenting will help your child become a more understanding, compassionate, and responsible person, even if you do feel like you’re the only one with rules.

Practice Open Communication

Communication goes a long way. You may no longer be married, but you and your ex are still responsible for raising your children, so communicating effectively about important parenting issues is crucial. If you and your ex are on the same page regarding rules, rewards, and discipline, then your child will have a much easier time adjusting to their new lifestyle. Your children will greatly benefit from you and your ex’s ability to maintain consistent and respectful communication. For example, you may consider having weekly phone calls or meeting to discuss parenting issues, your children’s behavior, and any other important matters. Remember: it’s best to have these discussions only with each other—not in front of your kids—and focus on solutions instead of bickering and assigning blame. Finally, to avoid conflicts, inform your ex ahead of time of any changes that could affect the kids or alter your schedule. Your child should never be the primary source of information.

Find Balance

Many times, after a divorce, parents worry so much about how their children will be affected by the break up that they completely ignore the need for discipline. While you may need to cut your kids some extra slack during this trying time, focus on the importance of finding balance. Don’t drop all of your rules just because you’re worried about their feelings. Allow your children to adjust to their new life and find a comfortable balance between setting clear expectations and being compassionate. Remember that children develop best with a united front. Co-parenting with a healthy dose of fun, structure, and predictability is a win-win for everyone.

Be Consistent

Consistency is key in successfully raising any child, but kids who come from split homes may have an especially difficult time finding consistency when they split their time between two households. Under special circumstances, it’s okay to let bedtime or chores slip every now and again. But even if you and your ex don’t enforce the same house rules, you should still do your best to stick to yours. It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and learn to be flexible, but they also need to know they have the same set of expectations from both parents. Aiming for consistency between your home and your ex’s home avoids confusion and conflict between parents and children.

Co-parenting is rarely easy, especially if you have a contentious relationship with your ex. If you continue to struggle with your ex regarding co-parenting issues, it may be time to take more serious measures. If you need to seek a legal modification to your parenting plan or enforce court orders, Rieger, LLP is prepared to help.